I have done quite a lot of research in the past couple of months, but there are some things you just can’t find answers to online. Ultimately, you have to define things for yourself and discover who you are and what that means.
A couple of weeks into my own journey, I journaled what felt right for me as a starting point for discussion with Master.
I defined a slave as someone who: commits in advance to consistent obedience; surrenders rights and privileges to Master/Owner; Owned by Master to do with as He sees fit; As a Christian who was bought with a price, follows husband’s spiritual leadership to submit to God first in matters of moral conviction.
There’s a lot of my faith and philosophy in that definition.
I believe that my ultimate Master is God Himself. I MUST have hard limits with my earthly Master because I answer to a higher authority.
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
That being said, I also recognize that my Husband also submits to God. In the majority of cases, my submission to Him is an extension of my submission to God.
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 11:3
I love how Christ’s relationship to the Father is included there. It shows that marriage is a symbol of Divine submission. A wife’s submission is the choice of an equal. A voluntary humility that is comes from a place of strength.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Man, that is powerful stuff right there!
But back to my point. My Husband’s place in the hierarchy is not to be my go-between to God, but to be my primary Spiritual advisor– even above my pastor. His beliefs are second only to Scripture itself.
My hard limits (adultery, beastiality, porn, etc.) are dictated by the Bible. My interpretation is heavily influenced by Master. Since He won’t act contrary to His own beliefs, I can be fairly confident that He won’t cross mine.
We do have safe words. Some people say it gives the s-type all the power, but I see it as a method of communication and transparency. How can Master make educated decisions without all the information? That being said. . . I’m not much of a masochist, and Master isn’t a sadist, so we haven’t had much occasion to to use them yet.
Of course, safe words are only as trustworthy as your partner. I am very fortunate that, while my calling is to radical submission, my Husband’s calling is to radical love.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, . . . So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.
I feel like I’m at a huge advantage to explore the lifestyle with someone I trust so deeply. I’m sure I would use limits and safe words much more liberally if my relationship was with someone new or someone who didn’t share my values so closely.
I love seeing Scripture intertwining to tightly with how I choose to live my life. I can only submit as far as my convictions will allow. Those convictions, however, are formed with my Husband’s beliefs in mind. While I am making myself very vulnerable, I trust that He is under submission to God to love me radically. In the end, I am submitting to God, that His Word and His power in our lives is sure.