Ebb and Flow

Ebb and Flow. Our lives advance and recede like the ocean tides.

Right now, I feel like my submissive mindset is in a state of “ebb.” It’s not my desire to be submissive. That’s still there as much as ever. I don’t think it’s my submissive-ness. As far as I can tell, I’ve been just as obedient.

It’s that submissive “high.” Or maybe it’s more of a “low.” That feeling of voluntarily lowering myself beneath Master. Knowing that my place is at His feet.

I think all the stress of our life right now must be a contributing factor. Master has the weight of the world on His shoulders. My instinct is to sync myself with Him, but I know it’s not helpful for us both to stressed.

So I emotionally separate myself. And that’s fine. . . I know how to be my own distinct person. That doesn’t mean it feels right though. Being His submissive, His slave, resonates so deeply inside me. We’re supposed to be in sync.

It feels like constantly having to be on guard. I can’t just relax into Him– not completely. Master is human afterall, with human limitations. Just a reminder that my identity and who I am cannot be defined by my relationship or my slavehood. Only God can be that anchor point.

I know this is just temporary. High tide and low tide come twice a day. We’ll settle deep into our respective Dominance and submission once again.

Until the tide turns, I’ll consciously cling to my submission until it once again feel as natural as breathing.

Finding Room for Improvement

I love the self improvement aspect of power exchange. Most of Master’s tasks are centered around maintaining healthy habits. And for the most part, they’ve been surprisingly easy to implement. Yay! I almost thought I must be an abnormally well behaved submissive. (Almost. Haha!) The craziness of this past week, has pointed out that I have farther to go than I thought.

I had an extra project to do for my business. Obviously, I should have started it sooner. The housekeeping and laundry was backing up. I was forgetting to drink my water. That led to my first “real” swat, actually.

It was a lot less notable then I would have thought, to be honest. In any case, His consistency and the accountability He was giving me kept me grounded when I was feeling a bit frantic.

Now that I’m aware of my room for growth, I guess we’ll see how I course correct in the future.

 

A Day in My Life

Submissive Guide had a new post in the A Day in the Life series this past week. It inspired me to take a snapshot of what my submission looks like right now. As it is ever evolving, it will be interesting to look back at this as time goes on!

Assuming our kids (who still aren’t sleeping through the night) cooperate, my day starts at 6:00 am. We practice the Fertility Awareness Method for our birth control, so I have to take my temperature every morning when I wake up– my first task from Master. That also means that I check my cervical fluid throughout the day and maintain a chart on my phone.

Then I try to get a little more sleep, but soon Master needs to get ready for work, so I try to greet him with “Good Morning, Master,” to start off our day.

My alarm goes off again at 7:00. This time for my yoga workout– my second task of the day.

Hopefully the kids are still asleep when my workout is done. If they are, I’ll have my daily prayer and Bible study time.

Whenever they do wake up, I fix them breakfast. Then we’ll get ready for the day. Another one of my tasks is to lotion up every day, so I’ll do that before getting dressed.

From there I’ll probably get started on chores– straightening the bedroom or starting some laundry, maybe. I like to listen to podcasts while I work. Erotic Awakening is one of my favorites.

At some point in the morning, I’ll try to do a little schoolwork with our preschooler– unfortunately, the task I’m least consistent on currently.

When 11:00 or 12:00 rolls around, I’ll fix some lunch for me and the kiddos. I might text Master that I love and miss Him. I should also be about half way through with my eight glasses of water for the day– another of my tasks.

The little one tends to be ready for a nap at this point. When she’s tired, she’ll take me by the hand to her bedroom and I’ll nurse her to sleep. I’ll catch up on my favorite blogs and maybe do a little online collar shopping as she’s drifting off.

She normally takes a pretty good nap, so I can finish up whatever chores I had started, and maybe do a little work for my direct sales business. Depending on the time, I might do a little journaling as well.

Soon it will be dinner time. Sometimes I’ll cook, or sometimes my mother-in-law will. In any case, hopefully Master will be home from work in time to join us.

After dinner it’s mostly family time. We might pull up some Star Trek on Netflix, and Master usually asks for a massage. Otherwise, I’ll sit at His feet watching the show and probably playing on my phone too. If I’m lucky, the living room will empty for a minute or two and He’ll pet my head! (It’s not a big part of my personality, but I do feel a bit like a kitty from time to time.)

About 8:00 or so, we’ll start getting the girls ready for bed. I’ll nurse the littlest one to sleep and Master will read a bedtime story.

After that, we’ll usually retreat to our bedroom. After Master asks for another massage (He sure does love His massages!), we start spooning under the covers. Spooning tends to lead to forking, but eventually we’ll settle back into spooning. I’ll turn off the light and end the day with, “Good night, Master.”