Ebb and Flow. Our lives advance and recede like the ocean tides.
Right now, I feel like my submissive mindset is in a state of “ebb.” It’s not my desire to be submissive. That’s still there as much as ever. I don’t think it’s my submissive-ness. As far as I can tell, I’ve been just as obedient.
It’s that submissive “high.” Or maybe it’s more of a “low.” That feeling of voluntarily lowering myself beneath Master. Knowing that my place is at His feet.
I think all the stress of our life right now must be a contributing factor. Master has the weight of the world on His shoulders. My instinct is to sync myself with Him, but I know it’s not helpful for us both to stressed.
So I emotionally separate myself. And that’s fine. . . I know how to be my own distinct person. That doesn’t mean it feels right though. Being His submissive, His slave, resonates so deeply inside me. We’re supposed to be in sync.
It feels like constantly having to be on guard. I can’t just relax into Him– not completely. Master is human afterall, with human limitations. Just a reminder that my identity and who I am cannot be defined by my relationship or my slavehood. Only God can be that anchor point.
I know this is just temporary. High tide and low tide come twice a day. We’ll settle deep into our respective Dominance and submission once again.
Until the tide turns, I’ll consciously cling to my submission until it once again feel as natural as breathing.