Ebb and Flow

Ebb and Flow. Our lives advance and recede like the ocean tides.

Right now, I feel like my submissive mindset is in a state of “ebb.” It’s not my desire to be submissive. That’s still there as much as ever. I don’t think it’s my submissive-ness. As far as I can tell, I’ve been just as obedient.

It’s that submissive “high.” Or maybe it’s more of a “low.” That feeling of voluntarily lowering myself beneath Master. Knowing that my place is at His feet.

I think all the stress of our life right now must be a contributing factor. Master has the weight of the world on His shoulders. My instinct is to sync myself with Him, but I know it’s not helpful for us both to stressed.

So I emotionally separate myself. And that’s fine. . . I know how to be my own distinct person. That doesn’t mean it feels right though. Being His submissive, His slave, resonates so deeply inside me. We’re supposed to be in sync.

It feels like constantly having to be on guard. I can’t just relax into Him– not completely. Master is human afterall, with human limitations. Just a reminder that my identity and who I am cannot be defined by my relationship or my slavehood. Only God can be that anchor point.

I know this is just temporary. High tide and low tide come twice a day. We’ll settle deep into our respective Dominance and submission once again.

Until the tide turns, I’ll consciously cling to my submission until it once again feel as natural as breathing.

Review: Tarnsman of Gor

Thanks to spending most of last night and today sick in bed, I had a chance to read the Tarnsman of Gor book I found at a used bookstore yesterday. In case you’re not familiar with this book, here’s the synopsis.

Tarl Cabot has always believed himself to be a citizen of Earth. He has no inkling that his destiny is far greater than the small planet he has inhabited for the first twenty-odd years of his life. One frosty winter night in the New England woods, he finds himself transported to the planet of Gor, also known as Counter-Earth, where everything is dramatically different from anything he has ever experienced. It emerges that Tarl is to be trained as a Tarnsman, one of the most honored positions in the rigid, caste-bound Gorean society. He is disciplined by the best teachers and warriors that Gor has to offer…but to what end?

This is the first book of John Norman’s popular and controversial Gorean Saga, a series of novels the author began in 1967 with Tarnsman of Gor and are now considered cult classics.

Now, if you’re looking for profound literature, keep on going. You won’t find it here.

That being said, I thought it was a fairly decent read. I knew going into it that it wouldn’t be a masterpiece.

It was much different than I assumed based on the Erotica>BDSM and Horror>Dark Fantasy classifications I’ve seen online. If those were accurate, I don’t think I could have made it though to the end! I guess if you’re throughly vanilla, the idea of a culture where pleasure slaves even exist would be pretty shocking, but (spoiler alert) anyone that fantasizes about sexual dominance will find it extremely tame.

It is a very male dominated society. There are only two female characters who are discussed in any detail in this book. Neither of them are ever pleasure slaves, and they both end the book as “Free Companions” (married, basically).

There are a couple of scenes where Talena, the main female character, offers her submission; she even begs for a branding. You might find that intriguing– until you realize it’s all a farce to gain the upper hand. I was surprised given the reputation of this series.

Now, I’m a big sci-fi nerd. As an adventure story set in an undiscovered planet with giant, semi-tamed animals and a group of rulers who may or may not be gods and shape the course of world events, that also has themes of D/s, I could definitely appreciate it. As a guidebook for a power exchange lifestyle, not so much. But I hear that author, John Norman, delves into that more in subsequent books. We’ll see.

All in all, it was a pretty decent way to spend a sick day.

Finding Room for Improvement

I love the self improvement aspect of power exchange. Most of Master’s tasks are centered around maintaining healthy habits. And for the most part, they’ve been surprisingly easy to implement. Yay! I almost thought I must be an abnormally well behaved submissive. (Almost. Haha!) The craziness of this past week, has pointed out that I have farther to go than I thought.

I had an extra project to do for my business. Obviously, I should have started it sooner. The housekeeping and laundry was backing up. I was forgetting to drink my water. That led to my first “real” swat, actually.

It was a lot less notable then I would have thought, to be honest. In any case, His consistency and the accountability He was giving me kept me grounded when I was feeling a bit frantic.

Now that I’m aware of my room for growth, I guess we’ll see how I course correct in the future.